I have loved and have lost many times.
From cutesy, puppy love in my tween years to heart-throbbing, hormone-gushing teen love to I’ve-got-it-real-bad grownup love. There’s no denying it - love hurts!
A teary-eyed hats off to Nazareth, Roy Orbison and the Everly Brothers for exposing the deep pain in their heart-wrenching renditions of ‘Love Hurts’. There are no harmonious thoughts of heart-pounding love to be heard because these artists sing, shout and scream real pain. And we’ve all been there – tissue after soiled tissue.
So when I get the opportunity to date a man who knows the authentic and genuine meaning of love and loss, I jump at the chance. This past week, I dated not one but two men who had lost their wives through death rather than been burnt by love.
It was Tuesday when Ray and I decided to meet after work for dinner in the Entertainment District. I met him at the bar. He was dressed in a gorgeous Versace jacket and looked so handsome, genuine and clean cut.
In his profile he says, “I am partially retired and very independent financially and otherwise. And I think I have a good sense of humour. I am a true romantic at heart and enjoy fine dining, a good glass of wine or a good martini.” My kinda guy I thought!
There’s more – “I can also be spontaneous and a little adventurous as well with the right partner. The gym is very important to me and I am there 3 to 4 times a week and try to keep in shape. I am looking for a soul mate that is basically on the same page as me and enjoys being looked after, takes good care of herself, both physically and emotionally.”
Wow – I may not be hitting the gym as often as Ray, but I am also hoping to meet a man who is on the same page as I am. So what would that be? As we sipped our Grey Goose martinis and got to know one another better, I could just tell that Ray and I had plenty of things in common.
Like this 6’1 widower, I too would love to retire on a lakefront cottage and have another place in the city. I also liked listening to the Oldies as well as Maroon 5 and Katy Perry. While I knew he was widowed, he never discussed his sorrow over the white wine infused PEI steamed mussels that we shared.
Ray’s wife passed away from pancreatic cancer and I could tell his loss was terribly heart-wrenching. They had been married 30 years before she was taken from him. “We had a beautiful cottage on Lake Rosseau,” he said sympathetically. Adding, “but I sold it when she died Ineda. I couldn’t bear enjoying those sunsets at that cottage without her anymore.”
And as we chatted about our taste in music over our pan-seared seabass, I could tell that Ray was more than ready to start fresh and whole with the “right” woman, as he preserved those precious memories.
We ended the night with a hug and a promise to see one another again.
Mark and I met on the web too. “I am a widower looking to date,” he says in his profile. I’m honest, trustworthy and loyal (maybe to a fault)." Heck – sounds a little like me I thought, as I continued to read his online bio. “I am looking for a woman who is honest, sincere, loyal, attractive, romantic, funny and full of life,” he admits. Sounds pretty normal to me, I thought, as I agreed to a date.
It was Saturday. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect when he picked me up in his jet-black Corvette convertible. We tooled throughout his neck of the woods with the top down while the wind blew through my flat-ironed hair. It was so warm that day – so warm that I had sweat beading down my back from the sun and the breeze. But I wasn’t complaining. I like it scorching outside.
We stopped off at his gorgeous home and cracked open a couple of Stellas to cool off, while we chatted in his backyard overlooking his pond and gardens. I have never seen such beautiful landscaping. Apparently, Mark is quite the avid gardener.
As we chugged our beers, Mark began to tell me his story. I felt compassion and understanding in his voice as he explained how his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago and how she never complained through the chemo and hair loss. “She was a trooper Ineda,” he remembered.
“I am so sorry for your loss Mark,” I said, holding his hand. “And while your next new love will never be able to replace your wife, it’s important that you keep those years that you both shared dear and close to your heart.”
“How wise and thoughtful of you to say that Ineda. I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on where the women say that I need to forget all about her and move on,” added Mark, a widower for 7 months strong.
In my observation and unlike Ray, Mark is still in his early stages of the bereavement process. He’s doing fine, but he hasn’t experienced a relationship commitment since the loss of his wife - and rightfully so.
Both Mark and Ray had solid marriages. Through their wives’ battle with breast and pancreatic cancer, they loved, nurtured and spiritually-guided these women through life’s final journey towards that infamous resting place in the sky.
Both have survived the emotional pain of life and death. Regardless of how much love they had to give, it wasn’t enough to question mortality and why me?
Time heals all wounds people. A loss is a loss is a loss no matter how that love was stripped away. You will love again Mark and Ray. You will love again.
To life and living it,
Ineda
From cutesy, puppy love in my tween years to heart-throbbing, hormone-gushing teen love to I’ve-got-it-real-bad grownup love. There’s no denying it - love hurts!
A teary-eyed hats off to Nazareth, Roy Orbison and the Everly Brothers for exposing the deep pain in their heart-wrenching renditions of ‘Love Hurts’. There are no harmonious thoughts of heart-pounding love to be heard because these artists sing, shout and scream real pain. And we’ve all been there – tissue after soiled tissue.
So when I get the opportunity to date a man who knows the authentic and genuine meaning of love and loss, I jump at the chance. This past week, I dated not one but two men who had lost their wives through death rather than been burnt by love.
It was Tuesday when Ray and I decided to meet after work for dinner in the Entertainment District. I met him at the bar. He was dressed in a gorgeous Versace jacket and looked so handsome, genuine and clean cut.
In his profile he says, “I am partially retired and very independent financially and otherwise. And I think I have a good sense of humour. I am a true romantic at heart and enjoy fine dining, a good glass of wine or a good martini.” My kinda guy I thought!
There’s more – “I can also be spontaneous and a little adventurous as well with the right partner. The gym is very important to me and I am there 3 to 4 times a week and try to keep in shape. I am looking for a soul mate that is basically on the same page as me and enjoys being looked after, takes good care of herself, both physically and emotionally.”
Wow – I may not be hitting the gym as often as Ray, but I am also hoping to meet a man who is on the same page as I am. So what would that be? As we sipped our Grey Goose martinis and got to know one another better, I could just tell that Ray and I had plenty of things in common.
Like this 6’1 widower, I too would love to retire on a lakefront cottage and have another place in the city. I also liked listening to the Oldies as well as Maroon 5 and Katy Perry. While I knew he was widowed, he never discussed his sorrow over the white wine infused PEI steamed mussels that we shared.
Ray’s wife passed away from pancreatic cancer and I could tell his loss was terribly heart-wrenching. They had been married 30 years before she was taken from him. “We had a beautiful cottage on Lake Rosseau,” he said sympathetically. Adding, “but I sold it when she died Ineda. I couldn’t bear enjoying those sunsets at that cottage without her anymore.”
And as we chatted about our taste in music over our pan-seared seabass, I could tell that Ray was more than ready to start fresh and whole with the “right” woman, as he preserved those precious memories.
We ended the night with a hug and a promise to see one another again.
Mark and I met on the web too. “I am a widower looking to date,” he says in his profile. I’m honest, trustworthy and loyal (maybe to a fault)." Heck – sounds a little like me I thought, as I continued to read his online bio. “I am looking for a woman who is honest, sincere, loyal, attractive, romantic, funny and full of life,” he admits. Sounds pretty normal to me, I thought, as I agreed to a date.
It was Saturday. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect when he picked me up in his jet-black Corvette convertible. We tooled throughout his neck of the woods with the top down while the wind blew through my flat-ironed hair. It was so warm that day – so warm that I had sweat beading down my back from the sun and the breeze. But I wasn’t complaining. I like it scorching outside.
We stopped off at his gorgeous home and cracked open a couple of Stellas to cool off, while we chatted in his backyard overlooking his pond and gardens. I have never seen such beautiful landscaping. Apparently, Mark is quite the avid gardener.
As we chugged our beers, Mark began to tell me his story. I felt compassion and understanding in his voice as he explained how his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago and how she never complained through the chemo and hair loss. “She was a trooper Ineda,” he remembered.
“I am so sorry for your loss Mark,” I said, holding his hand. “And while your next new love will never be able to replace your wife, it’s important that you keep those years that you both shared dear and close to your heart.”
“How wise and thoughtful of you to say that Ineda. I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on where the women say that I need to forget all about her and move on,” added Mark, a widower for 7 months strong.
In my observation and unlike Ray, Mark is still in his early stages of the bereavement process. He’s doing fine, but he hasn’t experienced a relationship commitment since the loss of his wife - and rightfully so.
Both Mark and Ray had solid marriages. Through their wives’ battle with breast and pancreatic cancer, they loved, nurtured and spiritually-guided these women through life’s final journey towards that infamous resting place in the sky.
Both have survived the emotional pain of life and death. Regardless of how much love they had to give, it wasn’t enough to question mortality and why me?
Time heals all wounds people. A loss is a loss is a loss no matter how that love was stripped away. You will love again Mark and Ray. You will love again.
To life and living it,
Ineda
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